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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799475">what's your favorite flower?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice'>taylorstwice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>(여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cry with me, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, ITS ALL ANGST, No Happy Ending Fest, Pain, SO, and I'm pretty sure I will never write smut, i know ya'll don't deserve it but I don't actually know how to write fluff, it's all angst for us, no fluff for mimin shippers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:22:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Miyeon learns that she's limited the day Minnie sent her congratulatory flowers for her acting career.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Minnie Nicha Yontararak/Choi Jisu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what's your favorite flower?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Miyeon was someone who believed in many things. At the age of 23, she still believed in Santa Claus even though she had seen her parents dropping presents under their Christmas tree when she was 7 and hearing the next day from her father’s lips that the said presents were from the old guy. Every time she goes to sleep, she fearfully looks under her bed to look if the boogeyman is staying still under her, waiting for his chance to take her when she’s as---</p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie! Come here quickly!”</strong> Though she’s a weird bunch, Miyeon never fails to make friends easily, sometimes much more natural than friendly Yuqi. She looks up from her phone and raises her eyebrows at Jisoo who’s peeping her head from the door. A wide smile spreads across the younger girl’s face when she detects the innocent look on her unnie. <strong>“Get your butt up and get yourself outside!”</strong></p><p>Miyeon frowns, taking her time from moving. <strong>“Why? What’s happening outsi---”</strong></p><p><strong>“YAH MIYEON-AH, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO SLOW?!”</strong> A light, vibrant feeling settles in Miyeon’s insides when she hears that whiny yet lovable voice at the same time, she saw how the smile on Jisoo’s face gets wider. Miyeon jumps on her feet in such haste that Jisoo thinks she might be <em>too </em>excited for her own good. She proves this when Miyeon almost face plants as she jumps out of her trailer.</p><p><strong>“Minnie! What are you doing here?!”</strong> Miyeon’s eyes can’t be seen with all the smiling she’s doing, and Jisoo had only seen this kind of face of hers whenever Haku and Mata were brought in the set. Miyeon runs and hugs Minnie who giggles when Miyeon bulldozes her way towards her, holding out the bouquet she bought for the older girl.</p><p>Within the time they were hugging, Miyeon swears she saw a patch of blue flowers shining when she had her eyes closed.</p><p>She shrugs it off.</p><p>She’s an imaginative kid after all.</p><p><strong>“I’m here to visit you, of course.”</strong> Minnie says when they both pull back from hugging. Minnie steps back and offers the flower to her friend, smiling so brightly Miyeon is sure she can battle it out with the sun and the Thai would win. Miyeon ignores the itchiness in her stomach and accepts the flowers, unaware of the eyes of the crews and casts watching the interaction unfold. She smells them, closing her eyes and seeing the patch of blue flowers again even though the bouquet were not the ones she was seeing.</p><p><strong>“Congratulations on the drama, Noodles,”</strong> Minnie says with her big smile, her hands clasped behind her back as she watches Miyeon enjoy the flowers. She doesn’t know what Miyeon’s favorite flower was, but when she was in the flower shop earlier, when she had set her eyes on this flower, she knew it was perfect for her group member. <strong>“I never thought you’d be the first one out of all of us to get into acting. Considering I’m basing on how we all acted on Never-ending Neverland.”</strong></p><p>This causes Miyeon to pout and punch Minnie’s shoulder, stepping closer towards her to pull her into a hug again. <strong>“Hey, they all said I did well back then! Even Shuhua! You know how hard it is for me to get compliments from her since she always loves to clown me.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Exactly, Noodles.”</strong> Miyeon punches Minnie again when she finally understands what Minnie meant with her answer.</p><p>The shooting is close to ending, Jisoo and the others just have to shoot a few more scenes before the call for a wrap was to come. Miyeon was in her trailer, using her phone and texting her mom about how her day was going when she feels this instant need to scratch her throat.</p><p>So she scratches it from the outside with one hand while the other continues with the phone.</p><p>She feels weird. The itchiness isn’t going away. She stops texting and drops her phone on the vanity, sets her eyes on the mirror in front of her, stares at the redness on her throat.</p><p>It’s still itchy.</p><p>So, she coughs.</p><p>It disappears for a moment before she feels the itchiness coming back, a bit stronger than the first feel. Miyeon grabs her handkerchief from her bag, and coughs. She coughs and coughs until she can feel the roughness, and when she pulls the handkerchief away from her, <em>a few, small, blue buds litter her handkerchief.</em></p><p>She stares at it for a few minutes, still taking in if it’s true or not. She puts her handkerchief on her vanity, beside her phone, and she rubs her eyes.</p><p>She opens them.</p><p>It’s still there.</p><p>Miyeon stays seated in her place for a while, staring at her phone now laid on her palm on her lap.</p><p>She chuckles.</p><p>
  <em>Hanahaki Disease.</em>
</p><p>It’s what she saw when she searched for a possible reason why she’s coughing up flowers.</p><p>
  <em>The disease of one-sided love.</em>
</p><p>A name pops up in her head, her familiar bright smile making its way in her mind, painting itself all over the walls, but Miyeon pushes it away.</p><p>
  <em>She can’t be in love with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her tummy just feels funny around her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She finds her funny, attractive, pretty, amazing, brave…</em>
</p><p>Miyeon’s eyes shake when she realizes what she’s been thinking.</p><p>She can’t be.</p><p>No, she can’t be.</p><p><strong>“Unnie!”</strong> Miyeon almost screams when Jisoo’s voice rings from the outside of her trailer door. She rests her hand on her chest, trying to calm her heart before she answers. <strong>“Yeah?”</strong></p><p><strong>“The shooting’s done! The director is buying us all dinner.”</strong> Miyeon strangely feels relief flooding her whole body. She releases a sigh before answering the girl that she’d be out in a second.</p><p>She can’t imagine going home after learning this…thing.</p><p>Miyeon spends her night indulging herself in anything, random conversations, possible meet-ups with other idols and actors and actresses that can be possible new friends, anything that can take her mind off of the thought of flowers growing in her lungs just because she’s in love with her best friend.</p><p>The itchiness comes back when she’s on her way back to the dorm, and she looks up in a panic, looking at her manager through the rearview mirror. She can’t be coughing right now, she can’t let her manager know about this. She pulls her legs up and shoves her face on her arms, closing her eyes as she remembers the five blue buds in her bag, ignoring the growing ache in her throat. She sighs in relief when she sees the building of their dorm in the distance.</p><p>She runs out of the car, not even saying anything to her manager, shoving herself in the elevator, her hand cupping her mouth as tears fill her eyes. The ache is too much, but she can’t do this outside. She can’t do this in public or anywhere that can make people know about her disease.</p><p>No.</p><p>She can’t let <em>Minnie</em> know.</p><hr/><p>Everything changed for Miyeon.</p><p>Her once always open room is now always locked, her bathroom time got doubled whenever she showers, and she always brings bottles of water and plastic bags with her. When people ask her about this, she always answers with “<em>I don’t want to litter.”</em> that seems to be a plausible answer. If they only knew that those plastic bags are always filled with blue buds and about to bloom ones, those bottles used to momentarily soothe the ache she has in her throat. It hurts.</p><p>All these things hurt.</p><p>But she can push through with it. If it means that Minnie wouldn’t know. If it means that she gets to love her all to herself in her way.</p><p>She had finally gotten over the stage of in denial a few nights after she learned about her disease, realizing that there was no use in lying to herself about her feelings for the Thai girl.</p><p>She understands why she fell for the girl. Who wouldn’t? Minnie is a special girl. She’s hard-working, she’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s everything you would be looking for.</p><p>And Miyeon fell for her.</p><p>A smile breaks out of her face.</p><p>Cho Miyeon fell for her best friend, Minnie Nicha Yontararak.</p><p>
  <em>“But you’re not my style.”</em>
</p><p>Miyeon closes her eyes when she feels the urge to puke, her hand already by her mouth, a reflex she had become used to after a month of coughing flowers.</p><p>Those words had always been the following remark whenever she thinks of her situation with Minnie. Whenever she tells herself that she’s in love with Minnie, those words seem to be a magician suddenly popping out of nowhere in her mind, triggering the need to cough the flowers out.</p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie? Are you okay? You’ve been zoning out ever since the break.”</strong> Jisoo lands her hand on Miyeon’s arm, startling the older girl. Miyeon blinks her eyes for a moment, pulling her hand away from her mouth, turning to look at the younger girl beside her.</p><p><strong>“I’m fine Jisoo. I’m still sleepy, I guess.”</strong> She offers the girl a reassuring smile, one that looks so fake and Jisoo knows better than to believe it.</p><p>Jisoo is a smart girl, and she’s been trying to know what’s happening to her unnie. They’ve been close, she can say that she’s the closest to Miyeon from all the casts, and with the times they’ve bonded, Jisoo can read Miyeon.</p><p>And right now, she knows Miyeon is so far from being <em>fine</em>.</p><p>She has a hunch of what’s happening to Miyeon ever since she heard the girl coughing at the back of her trailer, and when she checked when the girl finally left, she saw the flowers that she’s pretty sure, don’t grow in Korea.</p><p>Miyeon inevitably excuses herself from the table, going for the restroom. When she sees Miyeon enter the restroom, Jisoo also excuses herself, following the girl. She waited outside the door, hearing Miyeon’s loud coughing, followed by…retching?</p><p>
  <em>Is she vomiting?</em>
</p><p>Miyeon had tried to stop this the first time she had coughed up flowers in the dorm in fear that Shuhua and Soojin might know, and with that dangerous act, she had made it harder for herself. The need to release these flowers had been so adamant, and with her keeping them inside by drinking water and pushing them down her throat, from being stored in her lungs, the flowers had stayed in her stomach that her organ didn’t like, caused the vomiting. This time, instead of buds, they were all mid blooming flowers.</p><p>Jisoo stays before the door, feeling helpless, all that she can do is hear her unnie’s sobbing and vomiting.</p><p>She feels so hollow.</p><p>The sobbing and vomiting stop, but Miyeon doesn’t come out of the restroom that makes Jisoo worry.</p><p>She hesitantly knocks on the door.</p><p>
  <strong>“Miyeon unnie?”</strong>
</p><p>No answer.</p><p>
  <strong>“Miyeon unnie? Are you okay?”</strong>
</p><p>Still no answer.</p><p><strong>“I’m going in, okay?”</strong>  Jisoo turns the doorknob and luckily, it isn’t locked. She pushes the door open and sees a lot of blue flowers on the tiled floors, some having…specks of blood on them. Flower decorates most of the restroom, the sink, the toilet, the floor, Miyeon.</p><p>Jisoo runs towards a passed-out Miyeon lying on the floor, blood on her lips.</p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie?? Oh no, Miyeon unnie, wake up. Miyeon unnie!”</strong> Jisoo wipes away the blood from Miyeon’s mouth with the sleeves of her hoodie, pulling her up and putting one of Miyeon’s arms over her shoulder. She stumbles out of the restroom and calls the attention of their friends, the group of men quickly on their feet. She instructs them to take Miyeon in her trailer and passes the older girl to Mincheol. The boys quickly move and go, Jisoo enters the restroom again, cleaning the littered flowers.</p><p>People can’t know that Miyeon has this disease.</p><p>She knows Miyeon wouldn’t like the world to know this way.</p><p>She knows Miyeon doesn’t like the world to know.</p><p>But she needs to tell someone. Anyone.</p><p>A name rings in her head.</p><p>-</p><p>Miyeon wakes up in her trailer, lying on her small bed, someone sitting by the end of it, beside her feet.</p><p>The said person turns around and Miyeon stills.</p><p>It’s Soyeon.</p><p><strong>“Since when did you had this, unnie?”</strong> Soyeon asks quietly.</p><p>The air inside the room tenses as time ticks, and Miyeon feels the air in her lungs getting thicker, and it’s getting harder for her to breathe.</p><p>But she doesn’t let it show on her face. Instead, she lets the shock appear and fools her dongsaeng. <strong>“H-How did you know…When did you arrive, he---”</strong></p><p>Soyeon cuts her off. <strong>“Jisoo knows. She found you in the restroom, you were unconscious.”</strong> Soyeon crawls on the bed and puts herself beside Miyeon, and now that she’s close, Miyeon can see tears shining in her leader’s eyes. <strong>“She…She called me.”</strong></p><p>Miyeon watches as Soyeon’s lips tremble as tears threaten to fall from her eyes. <strong>“Unnie, why did you let it get to this? You’re vomiting blood.”</strong> Soyeon lifts her fisted hand, opening it to let Miyeon see one of her little flowers, a mid-blooming cornflower, tainted with her blood.</p><p>Miyeon feels nothing as she stares at the flower, she feels nothing as her blood slowly slides down from an open petal down to the tissue where the flower was laid on.</p><p>She doesn’t feel anything.</p><p>No sadness.</p><p>No regret.</p><p>She smiles.</p><p>This was all for Minnie.</p><p>For her love.</p><p>Soyeon notices how fixated Miyeon was on the flower. <strong>“So this is the reason why you’ve been locking your room. Why you’ve been locking YOURSELF in your room. Why you’ve been taking too much time in the bathroom.”</strong></p><p>The leader closes her fist.</p><p>Miyeon’s eyes shoot up from Soyeon’s fisted hand to the younger girl’s telling eyes.  <strong>“How did you know that?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie, Soojin is very observant. If your walls were transparent, she would’ve already figured out what’s happening.”</strong> Soyeon sighs and grabs Miyeon’s hand, feeling so guilty for letting this happen to her member.</p><p>Soyeon keeps herself quiet for a few passing moments, rubbing her thumb over Miyeon’s hand, feeling so strange because it doesn’t feel like her unnie’s hand at all. <strong>“W-Who is it, unnie?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Unnie, who is it?”</strong> Miyeon keeps her mouth shut.</p><p>Soyeon sighs. As much as she doesn’t like using her authority over anyone, this is a crucial time and she needs to know sooner than later.</p><p><strong>“Unnie, who is it?”</strong> Soyeon repeats her question more clearly, more sternness evident in her voice.</p><p>Unable to <strong>“I-It’s…Minnie.”</strong> Soyeon swallows and nods when she hears the name slipping out of her unnie’s lips, she already did have a hunch that it was their Thai member.</p><p>How could she not? Before Soojin</p><p><strong>“You have to tell her, unnie.” </strong>Something in Soyeon’s voice triggers the older girl, and she feels her blood boiling within her.</p><p>Miyeon shakes her head.  <strong>“No.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Unnie, you need to tell her!”</strong> Soyeon stares at Miyeon in disbelief. <strong>“Or you’ll die!”</strong></p><p><strong>“Soyeon, listen,”</strong> Soyeon prepares herself for whatever Miyeon is going to say, and just by judging through her eyes, Soyeon knows already that she won’t like whatever is going to come out of the older girl’s mouth. <strong>“I know that I’ll die if she doesn’t feel the same. And I already know that she doesn’t.”  </strong></p><p>Miyeon pulls her hand away from Soyeon and raises her eyebrows as if she’s persuading her leader to see what she’s trying to say. <strong>“What good would it bring if I told her?”</strong></p><p>Miyeon shudders as the distant made-up scene play once again in the back of her head.</p><p>She chuckles humorlessly as she shakes the images away. <strong>“I’ll die without her by my side. That’s worse than dying with her not knowing.”</strong></p><p>Soyeon moves closer and grabs Miyeon’s hands once again. <strong>“You don’t even know what she feels for you.”</strong></p><p><strong>“I don’t need to.”</strong> Miyeon chuckles at the impossible thought, silently wishing that it was true but as much as Miyeon wants to fool herself, she already knew what Minnie feels for her.</p><p>She knows it’s impossible.</p><p>Soyeon, knowing that it’s futile to convince an already made-up mind, offers another solution.</p><p>
  <strong>“Then unnie, you need to get surgery.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“No.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Unnie, please.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I already accepted that I’m going to die, Soyeon-ah. Dying knowing how it feels to love her sounds so much better than living not knowing how it felt to love her.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“How about us, unnie? How about Shuhua? Soojin? Yuqi? Me? Your parents?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“I…”</strong> Miyeon keeps her head down, and for a while, nothing is heard inside the room but the slight sound of the AC. <strong>“don’t think it’s a big deal.”</strong></p><hr/><p><strong>“Miyeon-ah, how come you’re not in the set?”</strong> The said girl turns when she hears the same whiny voice that haunted her dreams every night, the focus of her heart entering her dorm with bags hanging on her arms, a surprised yet happy expression settled on her face.</p><p>Minnie turns that expression when Miyeon just stays still inside the living room, looking at her.</p><p><strong>“What? Did you miss me that much? Did I deprive you of my presence that much that it gets you all shocked?”</strong> Miyeon dismisses the teasing voice coming from the girl in her heart, choosing to stand up and round the couch, wrapping her arms around Minnie as she pulls her into a hug, choosing not to pay attention to the growing itch in her throat.</p><p><strong>“Noodles?”</strong> Minnie shifts the plastic bags on one arm and pats Miyeon’s back with the free one, not used with this kind of behavior coming from Miyeon.</p><p>She doesn’t usually hug anyone of them when they don’t get to see each other that much. She either yells at them or screams in delight.</p><p><strong>“Are you okay?”</strong> Miyeon tightens her hold on Minnie when those words slip out of the blonde girl’s lips and gives her a nod to not worry her.</p><p><strong>“I just…”</strong> Miyeon squeezes her eyes shut as she pushes down the silent but painful ‘<em>i love yous’</em> down her throat once again, preferring on basking in Minnie’s presence.</p><p>
  <strong>“I missed you.”</strong>
</p><p>A smile breaks out of Minnie’s face and she leans her head on the side of Miyeon’s head. <strong>“I missed you too, Noodles.”</strong></p><p><strong>“So, what’s up with you?”</strong> Minnie asks after they pulled back from the hug, inspecting Miyeon’s face. Her eyes shine under the living room lights and Minnie thought for a second that she was tearing up until Miyeon chuckles and steps away from her, returning to her position on the couch. <strong>“I’m resting, we got 3 days off filming, that’s why I’m back home.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Sweet! So, you can hang out with me today? I’ve got lots to tell you.”</strong>  Miyeon nods in confirmation as Minnie squeals a yes while putting her food in a bowl, a red one that seems very familiar to Miyeon. Still, she lets her go.</p><p>She lets her convict go.</p><p>And right there, Miyeon didn’t know she had signed up herself for a session of heartbreak.</p><p>Because Minnie didn’t talk about anything but Lia.</p><p><em>“Or Jisoo, since they’re on a real-name basis now.”</em> Miyeon thinks while listening to Minnie raving about Jisoo, about how she’s so pretty, how small she is, how her eyes practically disappear when she smiles or laugh so hard, how she finally got her to say yes to a date, how she loves all of he---</p><p>Miyeon gags. Hard.</p><p>Minnie quickly stops talking and puts her hand on Miyeon’s back and rubs it, her bowl of noodles left on the coffee table, all cold now since she forgot about it when she went on with her Jisoo talk marathon.</p><p><em>“She…asked her out on a date.”</em> Miyeon continues to stare at Minnie’s bow---HER bowl filled with Minnie’s food with her hunched over, eyes glazed with tears as the flowers all wedged altogether in her throat.</p><p>Though she expected it…it still hurts, the way every part of her heart ached to the point that she was wondering how it was even beating, how it was keeping her alive. She expected it, and she had imagined how it would hurt, but.</p><p>What she didn’t expect was the sudden surge of her <em>love</em> trying to get out of her body, wanting to expose itself to her.</p><p>She should’ve thought about her actions wiser.</p><p><strong>“Miyeon, are you sick?”</strong> Pats on her back continue as she tries to hide the evident tears welling in her eyes, and Minnie’s been trying to push her back in an upright sitting position to take a good look at her but she doesn’t budge.</p><p><strong>“Y-Yeah.”</strong> She croaks, a small reassurance so she wouldn’t worry Minnie that much. The flowers are still wedged in her throat. <strong>“Minnie, can you grab me a glass of water?”</strong></p><p><em>“So that I can drown out these small confessions of mine and never get you to see them.”</em> She thinks as she watches Minnie zip across the kitchen to grab a glass.</p><p>A pained smile makes its way on her face.</p><p>
  <em>We were just…never meant to be.</em>
</p><hr/><p><strong>“You finally had some time for us, unnie.”</strong> Yuqi smiles brightly as she keeps her position beside Miyeon, hugging the girl sideways from her side of the table. Soyeon, Shuhua, and Soojin watch as Yuqi cuddles up to their oldest, clingier than her usual self, much to Miyeon’s</p><p><strong>“I already told you that the filming would take a few months, Yuqi-ah.”</strong> Miyeon says, moving her arm to Yuqi’s back so she can raise her hand and pat the girl’s head. The younger girl loves the act.</p><p><strong>“Too bad we can’t be complete right now, Minnie unnie has a schedule today.”</strong> Soyeon’s eyes quickly land on Miyeon when Shuhua speaks of Miyeon. She watches as Miyeon’s face turns from smiling happily to giving a forced one, and the younger girl can see her throat bobbing up as if something was trying to come up from her esophagus.</p><p>The leader moves a bit on the edge of her seat to ready herself to help the oldest, but Miyeon’s sharp eyes on her halts her movement, as if she’s telling her not to do anything.</p><p>
  <strong>“That’s what happens when we grow, Shu. You’ll have one of those in the future, trust me.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“I do wish I could have schedules for myself, but I don’t want it getting in the way of our meetings and hang-outs. Though I’d love us to be known individually and be cherish for our quirks and individuality, I still love it more when it’s all six of us.”</strong> Shuhua pouts as she lies her head on Soojin’s shoulder, the older patting the youngest’s head as she knows what the girl was trying to say.</p><p>Though she doesn’t tell Miyeon or anyone in the group, Shuhua had been feeling down the last few months because she could barely see anyone in their group except for Soojin. She might have been always seen putting more attention on Soojin than anyone else, but the truth is Shuhua loves all of her members equally.</p><p><strong>“We should go to that amusement park when all of our schedules clear up. I miss you unnies too much. Do you know I’m beginning to talk to the walls in my room about you??”</strong> Everyone chuckle as Shuhua shows her blatant irritation at their lack of interaction.</p><p><strong>“Wait, even me, Shu? You miss me?”</strong> Shuhua turns from grabbing her hot chocolate from the table to look at her oldest unnie, giving her a firm nod.</p><p>A sweet smile makes its way on Miyeon’s face. It’s rare for her to hear or see Shuhua giving her any attention, more so of things like these.</p><p><strong>“To be honest unnie, you’re the one I missed the most.”</strong> Shuhua gets up from her seat and plops herself on Miyeon’s lap, hugging the girl tight, despite Yuqi’s loud blabbering about how it should be her Shuhua should be missing the most.</p><p><strong>“Shut up Yuqi! Most of your schedules include me and you’re the most I’ve seen out of all of us excluding Soojin unnie!”</strong> Shuhua chastises from Miyeon’s lap, still hugging the girl tight, Miyeon’s arms around Shuhua’s waist to hold the maknae.</p><p>After a few moments of just letting herself hug Miyeon and letting her other unnies put themselves in a different conversation, Shuhua pulls away from the hug that she initiated and cups Miyeon’s cheeks, looking straight at her unnie’s face, something akin to worry shining in her eyes. <strong>“This show took too much from you, unnie. You look too pale for my taste.”</strong></p><p>Miyeon chuckles and grabs Shuhua’s baby-sized hands, leading them down on her lap. <strong>“I’m fine, Shu. Don’t worry about me.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Are you? You look too pale. Are you sick?”</strong> Miyeon blinks her eyes as she racks her brain for any answer. To be honest, she hasn’t been eating that much. The cups of noodles that she’d been bringing to her room when Shuhua and Soojin were in the living room to see, were all stacked on her bedside table, all left forgotten. If she’s going to look back correctly, she’d been eating one meal a day in the past three and a half months, because she never felt hungry. She had always been feeling full even if she hasn’t even eaten anything.</p><p><strong>“I promise Shu, I’m fine.” </strong>She tries to reassure the youngest.</p><p><strong>“Okay.”</strong> Shuhua takes the vacant spot beside Miyeon, which was supposed for Minnie, and leans towards Miyeon, looking like she was going to tell her something very important. <strong>“Unnie, can I tell you something?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“Sure, what is it?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I think, Minnie unnie and Jisoo are seeing each other and they’re going to seal the deal.”</strong>
</p><p>Miyeon is a bit thankful when she feels the small rumbling in her stomach, one sign of her impending doom, but at least she knew it was coming.</p><p>Not like that time she had with Minnie when all of her flowers suddenly all wanted to burst out.</p><p>
  <strong>“R-Really?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yeah, she texts me a lot about it.”</strong>
</p><p>Miyeon stops her <em>love </em>with a nod, a forced smile set upon that the oblivious maknae had not caught up.</p><p>And so she continues.</p><p>
  <strong>“And there was this time last week, Minnie unnie called Lia unnie while she was in VLive and she had her blushing throughout the call.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Shu---” </strong>Miyeon tries to cut the younger girl’s storytelling after feeling the foretelling doom of <em>blue confessions</em> coming up her throat, rumbling in her chest as if it’s a volcano waken up from its slumber, readying itself to give the world the biggest explosion everyone will see but Shuhua doesn’t budge, too into telling her other unnie’s possible blooming lovelife that she’s too oblivious of her Miyeon unnie’s inner fight.</p><p>Soyeon, who had listened in with the madmak’s conversation tries to stop the maknae from saying too much but she was late.</p><p><strong>“You know, she visited with Minnie unnie before. They went to the dorm, our dorm, and watched movies with me and Soojin unnie. I think,”</strong> Shuhua leans closer to Miyeon, whispering beside her ear. <strong>“I think they kissed when Nala and Simba kissed in the movie.”</strong></p><p>And there, it was like Miyeon had been shot. Something sharp and painful rang through her ears as she felt that same but heightened feeling of being shot, and stabbed, and sliced, something she had been feeling every day ever since she knew about her feelings for the Thai girl. But the sensation, it was a whole new thing.</p><p>If she could collapse on the spot, she would have.</p><p>But she can’t, couldn’t.</p><p> Because that would cause complications.</p><p>The way her eyes quivered in Soyeon’s sight when she heard what the maknae said, it was like the leader had also felt the hurt the oldest had gone through. All of her pain briefly played in her eyes and it was the most painful thing that Soyeon had seen.</p><p><strong>“Oh.”</strong> Everything is wrong with how Miyeon had said that. Something’s off with her voice, with her tone, with her expression, with her eyes.</p><p>But no matter how obvious it was, Shuhua’s as innocent as a stone brick wall.</p><p>The oldest gags and her hand flies directly to her mouth just like countless times before, closing her eyes as she endures the pain of all the cornflowers wedged inside her mouth, more in her throat pushing the ones trying to get out. There’s no way she can just drink all of it down. She needs to vomit them out.</p><p>So Miyeon tries to fly the fuck out of the room with her rushed and incomprehensible words. <strong>“Excuse me, I just need to use the res---”</strong></p><p><strong>“You’ve been doing that a lot unnie.”</strong> Soojin pipes up from across her, looking at her with scrutinizing eyes. Miyeon turns away to close her eyes and endure her pain for a bit more.</p><p>She sighs when she realizes this time, Soojin won’t just sit around.</p><p>But she doesn’t have time for this.</p><p>Soyeon stands up. <strong>“Let me go wi---”</strong></p><p><strong>“No.”</strong> Miyeon sends a sharp gaze towards the leader, one that isn’t left unnoticed by the rest of the members.</p><p><strong>“Unnie, are you okay?”</strong> Miyeon shakes her head and grabs on the back of her chair, a sudden wave of dizziness hits her as the tension of flowers crawling its way up to her throat starts intensifying. She gags again.</p><p><strong>“Yu, I’m okay, don’t worry about me.”</strong> And that’s the only thing she remembers before she feels her hand loosening the grip on the chair, something hard hitting her head, or her head hitting something hard, and she feels herself collapsing on the floor, something sticky trickling somewhere.</p><p>It’s Shuhua’s worried face that she sees last before everything turns black.</p><hr/><p>Miyeon wakes up feeling light, the first thing she sees is Shuhua’s blank face hovering over her from the side, her black eyes staring at her while hushed arguments go on at the back. Not too long, Miyeon hears what seems like Soojin’s <em>tired</em> voice calling out for the girl in front of her. <strong>“Shuhua, don’t tire yourself out. You heard the doctor, Miyeon unnie might not wake up for at least 4 more hours.”</strong></p><p><strong>“She’s looking right back at me though?”</strong> Shuhua says with an unsure voice, raising her hand and poking Miyeon’s forehead (the part that wasn’t covered with bandage). Miyeon quickly slaps Shuhua’s hand. <strong>“I told you I don’t like people touching my face.”</strong></p><p>Everyone is around her in seconds. Especially the blonde one who she can remember missing their lunch date.</p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie, how do you feel?”</strong> Yuqi says from Miyeon’s right side, already on her knees and hugging the girl’s stomach with a cute pout on her tear-stained face, Soyeon standing behind her with her hand in Yuqi’s head, observing the patient quietly.</p><p>Miyeon sends Yuqi a smile and pats her head with her other hand that has the IV. <strong>“I feel fine Yu---”</strong></p><p><strong>“You still feel it, don’t you?” </strong>That voice startles the oldest for a second, thinking way back before she lost consciousness. Why is she here? There’s no…<em>need</em> to have her here. Why did they call her?</p><p>Miyeon turns to her left to see Minnie standing behind Shuhua, a tearful expression on her face. She hears Soyeon sighing on her other side but she doesn’t pay the girl any attention. She reaches out for Minnie and Shuhua moves away from her side, already feeling that whatever it is that they’re going to talk about, it’s something serious and she can’t be in the way.</p><p><strong>“Minnie.”</strong> Miyeon says when she finally gets the girl to her side. Minnie grabs her hand and traps it with her own, pressing it on her cheek. Soojin, Shuhua, and Yuqi retreat on the couch at the other side of the room while Soyeon stays on Miyeon’s right side, watching the interaction.</p><p>Miyeon chuckles humorlessly as she keeps her right hand holding onto the railing of her bed, rubbing the metal a bit too hard, something she’s always done when she’s put in a situation too serious for her liking.</p><p>Miyeon doesn’t like serious situations.</p><p><strong>“I guess you already know.”</strong> Miyeon takes a deep breath and lifts her eyes from her blanket, giving the Thai girl a smile as her heart slowly cracks as she watches a tear fall from Minnie’s eyes. But it was for something else. It feels weird. It was out of…pity.</p><p><strong>“I didn’t want you to know this way.”</strong> The oldest starts fiddling with her fingers as she struggles to think of her words, she never really thought that Minnie would know about her feelings. She never had thought that this cruel way would be the path she would have to take.</p><p>She never had the plan of telling the Thai girl anything.</p><p>But this happened.</p><p><strong>“I never really wanted you to know.”</strong> The statement earns her a tight squeeze coming from the Thai girl.</p><p><strong>“You’re an idiot.”</strong> Minnie sniffles, glaring at Miyeon with her already red eyes. Miyeon reaches out and wipes away Minnie’s tears that just fell from her eyes, getting a bit surprised when Minnie keeps her hand on her cheek, trapping it with her own again.</p><p><strong>“You should’ve told me. You should’ve told me the first time you felt your heart beating my name.”</strong> Minnie sobs, letting her tears soak Miyeon’s hand.</p><p>The older doesn’t mind.</p><p><strong>“And risk losing you?”</strong> Miyeon shakes her head, turning away from Minnie as she pulls her hand away from Minnie’s cheek, taking her time to analyze her feelings. <strong>“No. Never in a million years.”</strong></p><p>She’s not…She’s not <em>sad</em>.</p><p>Though she had her face turned away and isn’t showing anyone the look on her face, Minnie, who’s ahead with information, feels her heart pick up.</p><p><strong>“M-Miyeon-ah.”</strong> Minnie’s tears shine once again in her eyes. <strong>“P-Prove to Soyeon that she’s wrong.”</strong></p><p>Minnie’s trembling voice catches Miyeon’s attention and she faces the girl again. She grabs Minnie’s hand and her headaches when she…feels nothing.</p><p>It hits her like a plane when she realizes the absence of butterflies in her stomach.</p><p>She turns towards Soyeon, eyeing the girl before returning her eyes to Minnie.</p><p><strong>“Wrong?”</strong> Minnie shivers when she doesn’t meet Miyeon’s eyes.</p><p><strong>“Tell me you still love me, Miyeon-ah. Prove Soyeon wrong.”</strong> This makes the girl turn and set her eyes on the mentioned girl, the leader never once taking her eyes off of the oldest.</p><p>Though getting a bit bothered, Miyeon scoffs as a way to tell them that what she had understood from what Minnie had said was plain ridiculous. <strong>“What are you talking about? Of course, I sti---”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“No, you don’t.”</strong>
</p><p>Silence follows after Soyeon stopped Miyeon from continuing her sentence.</p><p>Minnie feels like she’s drowning as everything sets in, when she finally sees the difference in how Miyeon looks at her from before to now, she can’t see that specific spark, she can’t see anything anymore from Miyeon’s eyes.</p><p>Not even that unreadable thing she’s always been so curious to unravel.</p><p>Miyeon frowns, not believing Soyeon’s words. <strong>“What?”</strong></p><p><strong>“You don’t love her anymore, Miyeon unnie.”</strong> Soyeon looks down, fiddling with her fingers as she looks down. <strong>“And you can never love her again.”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“Soyeon.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Your parents learned about the disease. They told the doctors to push through with the surgery. It almost grew in your lungs, unnie. It grows in 4 months.” </strong>Soyeon can only keep her head down as she relies the information on the oldest, feeling extremely guilty even though she wasn’t the one who decided for Miyeon.</p><p>The detail shocks the oldest.</p><p>4 months</p><p>Exactly when Minnie had visited her.</p><p><strong>“No!”</strong> Minnie’s sudden cry shocks all the people inside the room.</p><p><strong>“Minnie, what’s wrong?”</strong> The mentioned girl doesn’t pay attention to anyone, seemingly looking like she was in her world, and in a way, she is. Minnie stares at Miyeon like she just had done the most hurtful thing the innocent girl could ever do, tears already springing up to her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks. She starts shaking her head aggressively, still adamant that it wasn’t true. That everything she heard and knew was something of a pigment of reality, something hiding the truth.</p><p><strong>“She can’t lose her fee---”</strong> Everyone stills when Minnie turns away from Miyeon and coughs into her hand, tears already falling and hand trembling when she sees what dropped from her mouth.</p><p>A bud of white rose.</p><p>Shuhua speaks up from the back with trembling eyes and voice. <strong>“1 month…unnie.”</strong></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come visit me at twt! I've got some aus there! my @ is taylorstwice :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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